Gavin Cade McMath

We felt it necessary to create this website in honor of our son Gavin. Not only did we want to memorialize his life, but we hope that by sharing our story and our pictures, it will show other families out there going through similar losses that they are not alone. Here is our story…

Brad and I were married in August of 2001. We always knew we wanted to have children, but didn't know exactly when. Actually, I knew I wanted to start as soon as possible, but Brad still needed a little more time to get ready. When he finally told me he was ready I was so excited. I wanted to bring a child into our lives to share our love and expand our family. Luckily, I got pregnant right away and I couldn't wait.

Our baby was due June 11th, 2003 and I couldn't imagine waiting nine long months to see him. As many people do, we didn't tell anyone, not even our families we were pregnant until the end of the third month. The pregnancy had progressed smoothly with little morning sickness and there was never any indication that anything might be wrong. At the same time our nephew had been diagnosed with two congenital heart problems and had to be hospitalized. He is doing well now, but to rule out any connection to our nephew, our doctor scheduled a level 2 ultrasound for the 20-week check. Everyone, including the doctors thought our baby would be fine and that the level 2 was only a precaution to rule anything out.

Unfortunately they found much more wrong having nothing to do with our nephew's condition. We found out on January 14th that Gavin was not destined to be with us very long. The ultrasound showed that he had multiple abnormalities including two heart defects (a hole in his lower heart and a malformed and malfunctioning right valve), an enlarged bladder, pockets of fluid on the back of his neck, and a two-vessel umbilical cord as opposed to a three-vessel. We decided to do the amniocentesis test, in which they draw some amniotic fluid through my belly and have it tested in a lab to pinpoint exactly what his diagnosis was. Nine days later it was confirmed that Gavin was diagnosed with a rare chromosomal disorder called Trisomy 18.

Essentially, Gavin had an extra, or third #18 chromosome instead of the usual two chromosomes. Trisomy 18 severely affects all organ systems and occurs in roughly 1 in 3000 births. Among live born children, we learned Trisomy 18 is the second most common Trisomy disorder after Trisomy 21, or Down's Syndrome. We were told immediately that this diagnosis was almost always not compatible with life and that many pregnancies do not make it to term and it would most likely result in a stillbirth. The type of Trisomy 18 Gavin had occurred as a sporadic event as something that went wrong during conception and early cell division and the recurrence risk for future pregnancies is 1% or lower.

After much praying, crying, and talking we decided to continue with the pregnancy and carry him as long as we were gifted with his presence. I continued to see my doctor every other week to check his heart and the progression of his fluid build up in his bladder. The journey was difficult as we never knew when his heart would stop and he would leave us, but we were encouraged every time we heard or saw his sweet little heart beat.

Around mid-February I started to feel him move inside of me, which I feel was a true gift, as some mothers never get to feel these babies move due to their small size. The doctor told us Gavin would most likely die in utero but he could not tell us how long we would have him. On the off chance that he did make it closer to his due date, we decided to provide comfort care only. We spent six weeks enjoying what we could of Gavin's time with us: his little kicks, punches, a kick in the ribs, and just knowing that he was with us. We grieved and prepared to let him go. And, along the way, we learned a lot about love, strength, and faith.

Gavin was stillborn at 5:42 a.m. on Friday, February 28th, 2003. I went in for my routine ultrasound on Tuesday the 25th and he was moving around for us. It was the first (and last) time we got to see him move. It truly was a miracle. Just as I asked the ultrasound tech if his hands were clenched, a characteristic of the Trisomy 18 disorder, she paused and he opened up his hand and waved at us. Brad and I were laughing and crying and feeling very lucky to have had that moment. I believe that was our hello and goodbye wave from our precious son. The last time I felt him move in me was around 4:30 a.m. on Wednesday morning. I didn't feel him move at all on Wednesday, but wasn't sure so I waited until Thursday. By that morning I still couldn't feel him move anymore and called my doctor to schedule an ultrasound to check. I think a part of me knew on Wednesday that he was gone but I continued to be hopeful. Our fears were confirmed and his heart had stopped beating. The doctor suspected his bladder had backed up to his kidneys and he went into kidney failure. In fact, they were discussing draining Gavin's belly in utero to reduce some of the fluid in his bladder so the delivery would be easier. We never got the chance to try it while he was still alive, nor did we need to do it for the delivery.

Our birth experience, as sad and heart wrenching as it was, was handled very reverently and gently by our doctors and nurses who stayed with us. Gavin weighed 2 lbs 1.5 ounces and was 12 inches long. He had his daddy's mouth and chin, long fingers, and medium dark hair. We were able to hold him, dress him, take footprints, and take many, many pictures. Our church was even able to do a blessing for him at the hospital. We told him how very much he was wanted and loved and were able to have family meet and hold him. The day and a half we got to spend with him was the most precious time of our lives. We had Gavin cremated and held a memorial mass at our church. Many friends and family attended and I was able to introduce them to our son through pictures and his few belongings. Many people donated money to our "bereavement kit" fund, in which we put together 16 full kits of items to help families at the time of their loss in the hospital. Items included a hand/footprint kit, a disposable camera, a stuffed animal, books, and a journal. We had six weeks to prepare and gather these things, where a lot of families have no time. Doing this in Gavin's name helped both my husband and I feel productive during such a heart wrenching time.

While we are grieving his loss, we are also relieved and at peace. We have done so much to prepare ourselves for this, and have experienced so much love and support throughout this part of our journey. We know this is a never-ending journey. Gavin is a part of our lives forever, and we will always miss him. We thank everyone for their continued support and love.

Brad and Marissa

My Little Boy

For the little boy I'll never know
Born too soon before he could grow
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't give
If only my little boy could some how live
But you were too precious for this world
From earth to heaven your place was filled
I felt so warm content inside
My smile for you was hard to hide
But now you're gone I sit and cry
Why did my little boy have to die
One day I know we'll meet again
My heart will then be freed from pain
But until that day does arrive
In my heart you'll stay alive

I Am With You

Once I lived in my mother's womb
A place for me to flourish and bloom
And in that place I felt such love
Until the day I was called from above
The angels came and took me away
Because on earth I couldn't stay
But my mother didn't want me to go
Because she really loves me so
So I spoke to God and made a deal
That would help my mummy's heart heal
And so God said that I could visit
But at certain times - there was a limit
In the night when she cries
I am there to wipe her eyes
And when she sits and thinks of me
I am there sat on her knee
When she thinks that no one cares
I am there stroking her hair
When its hard for her to carry on
I am there to make her strong
For when you carry love in your heart
You never really are apart